Nicholas I'm the spare, the younger brother of the Prince of Wales. Ever since I was propelled up the order of succession, my job description has been: Exist. Don't embarrass the Crown. Repeat. After a security scandal, I'm assigned a new bodyguard. A hulking, brooding Irishman who glowers at me like I've personally offended his ancestors. He's the first to be completely immune to my charm, which is rather inconvenient when you've always wielded wit like a defensive weapon. And why I feel the need to continue trying to impress Officer O'Connell is anyone's guess. My upcoming royal tour of Australia and New Zealand should be a nice chance to escape the British winter and bask in some Southern Hemisphere sunshine. But it turns out that representing the monarchy in former colonial countries means confronting some uncomfortable truths about how all those Crown Jewels ended up in my family's vaults. And the whole visit would really be far more enjoyable if someone wasn't trying to kill me. Eoin I've clawed my ...